Pursuit of Sanity – Chapter 2 – Episode 1

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Brenda was exhausted from the long travel and when she arrived in Kiambala, it was barely 5.am. There were many other students at the bust stop and she was not in the mood for exchanging pleasantries because nothing was pleasant in her life in that moment. She wrapped her long scarf around her torso and headed straight to the luggage part of the bus.

Her suitcase was humongous and she had no room in campus, so she was under pressure about settling. She remembered the nightmare that is always at the beginning of the first semester when students have to queue at the administration office to issue their bank slips so that they can go and preserve a room. Brenda was a social person but that trait was just not cutting it. Anyway, she linked up with her friend Hetty, and they found a place to leave their luggage as they went to deal with queue nightmare.

At exactly 5.30 am, the queue was as long as unending tunnel as students who traveled decided to start the registration process early. What did not make sense was that the offices were always opened at 8.00 am and the people offering the services were so slow you would think they were all owners of the school.

It was the first time Brenda felt the campus breeze with Conrad and every joint or path reminded her of their times together. Her heart sunk and it was beneath any hope that anybody could whisper to her. Brenda was like a zombie and she decided she would not join the queue but go find a place to sleep in the mean time.

How was she going to answer questions about Conrad? Why was it even harder facing the reality in campus? The issue was quite mind boggling that she disinterested in knowing who reported to school or who did not. She did not have a room and she did not have a plan to get one soon. One of her janitor friends secured a temporary room for her and she straightened her sheets on the bed to relax, Brenda broke down and she cried hysterically. She called Nancy and the trembling in her voice could not even let her speak with coherence. Brenda was over it.

Catch me next week for episode 2

Toodles!

Pursuit of Sanity – Chapter 1- Section 5

Just as she turned to lock the door in hesitation, as if, she would turn to a hot iron box on her shameful face. But as she turned to see her aunt still sitting on the bed with cascades of tears in her face. This visual broke Brenda to pieces. The last thing she wanted was to inflict pain on someone, particularly her aunt. Her dead mother’s sister. The one who tried to help her feel the void of losing a biological mother. Brenda was truly devastated.

It was more like the pain her aunt felt was that of a failure. All of a sudden Brenda saw how fear clang to her aunt like a revealing outfit that has a vendetta with normal breathing. “I have failed,” Brenda’s aunt said in between pitiful sobs. “I am sorry aunty. Please forgive me,” Brenda fell on her knees as she joined the tearful bandwagon. “So what your roommate in campus told me was true,” Her aunt said with so much disappointment and finality. Brenda was perturbed because that was news to her. When her aunt confirmed her roommate’s name to be Cynthia, Brenda felt the type of exhaustion that dimmed the hope of a new day.

Apparently, Cynthia went through Brenda’s phone and owned the audacity of looking for her aunt’s number and feeding her with lies about Brenda’s whereabouts in campus. She was always green with envy when Brenda’s male friends came to the room to visit her or if Brenda put on a ravishing outfit to go out with her friends. Cynthia tried to pull the big sister card of asking Brenda where she was going, what she was upto, and who she was dating. However, do not get it twisted. She was looking for something to paint Brenda as a gone case to her aunt. Her deviousness was ridiculous and it was clear that she started the drama to hide her insecurities.

“Who does that?” Brenda thought to herself as her aunt told her exaggerated stories about her that she learned from Cynthia. It was as if she was being told about someone else. Even if she tried to defend herself, her aunt could not believe her at that point because her puking spree opened up pandora’s box. Her uncomfortable talk with her aunt ended with a promise to change. Although Brenda knew she had her life together. It was just one time. However, as much as she wanted to be understood, she knew that what one sees another might only be looking.

Brenda was tired physically, emotionally, and mentally. At least that entire fiasco was over. She bit the dust. It was time to rise above her ashes but she was still unable to do so with the thoughts of her stupid boyfriend or better yet her next ex. Her aunt sent the maid to bring Brenda a bottle of cold krest and watermelon slices for the hangover and she was at peace knowing that her aunt still cared. Brenda rested in her bed trying to gather the strength for packing because she had a long journey tomorrow with a slight detour first.

*Find out what the detour was about next week on the last section of chapter 1. *

See you next week.

Toodles!

Pursuit of Sanity – Section 3

Photo by Eclectic Media Kenya

Brenda got to her aunt’s house but she was bored beyond the definition of the word. Everyone was already in bed by 1.am and she felt a wave of rebellion manifest itself in her. She was tired of playing by the book and perhaps this type of arrival was her initiation into flamboyance without apologies. So she also tucked herself in bed without even bothering to make some food. Brenda knew she was going to have a piece of her aunt’s mind the next day. Their relationship was already strained anyway and she could not wait to go back to school.

The silent treatment in the morning was nothing that Brenda was not used to. It had gradually become a normal language but deep down her heart was worn out. Was this the way her was to begin? Mixed signals everywhere. The stealth that both her and her aunt had in the house as they passed each other in the house corridors and the kitchen was indescribable. The tension-tight situation made Brenda begin a countdown to her departure for school which was to be in 6 days. But nooo, she could not wait for that long. She had to come up with something that could push for her exit.

That evening, one of Brenda’s dubious and flirty friends called her for a drink in a local pub. She was hesitant because she had never tasted alcohol when at home. Brenda was still wrapping her head around the weird taste of alcohol and why people drink it. Moreover, she had not found her poison yet. Her naivety was like a tag that was placed on her face. Anyway, with all the hullabaloo in the house, Brenda threw caution to the wind and went to Join Greg.

However, it seemed Greg had an agenda. The moment Brenda sat down, two bottles of Smirnoff black ice were staring at her. She had not eaten and her mind had a blindspot in that moment that she did not think of saying so. Brenda dived right into a drinking spree consuming the mighty concoction like some sort of exotic juice. No water in between. By the time she was on her eighth bottle she had not grasped the magnitude of the pint’s effect on her sobriety.

She checked her watch and it was quarter past 7. It was time for her to leave to avoid her aunt’s trouble because of the premise that was created in the morning. However, when she stood up , the moment of reckoning had landed right before her. Her stagger was nothing stronger than the blurred, circular and bouncy visuals that she was experiencing. She was lit and if she showed up at home like that, her aunt would use her to light the stove. With the little sense in her remaining, she declined anymore offers from Greg, especially that one of going home with him.

On her way to the house, Brenda busted into a puking spree. She was drank a good one!. She tried to keep her cool as she entered the house. Her cousins and the house help looked at her in disbelief because they definitely caught that something was a miss with Brenda. Well, at least her aunt was not home yet. Unfortunately, the devil saw this as a circus that he would shine in so Brenda could not resist the urge to puke and just before she could make it to the loo, everything splattered on the corridor floor. With her drank self she could not clean that to perfection. The house was smelling like a distillery in a slum. Her aunt was going to be livid!

Catch the next section next week to know what went down. What do you think did?

Yours truly,

Beryl

The Chase

Pen and Paper Point!

FREEDOM.

It is the sweetest thing in life. It’s so freaking amazing when you know that you are not drowning, you are not conforming and you are not chocking. The breath of fresh air, the will power to make a choice, the freeway. A feeling that is like a soft velvety rose rubbing your face. Ideal!

Free from misplaced opinions, free from the noise, free from negative energy. Just beautiful freedom. Doing the right thing and having a clear conscience. That’s freedom. Doing your part, keeping it 100 and affording to sleep at night in peace. Accepting to be vulnerable for the right reasons and being strong enough to love even when you will not be loved back.

Telling yourself every minute that you are significant and everything you are doing is significant for the glory at the end of the path that you confidently choose, that’s FREEDOM. Therefore, take it and own it. It should be your most priced possession.

Be encouraged and see you next week,

Yours truly.

Pen and Paper Point

Stop Domestic Violence!

So this month is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and I just had to post this because we take a lot of shit from people yet we should not and the scariest thing is that in most cases we don’t even figure it out until its too late. I speak from the point of experiencing domestic violence and witnessing it all together. Totally dark stuff! But I am glad about the self-awareness in place that steers me to decipher people’s intentions because let me tell you, it starts from manipulation.

Someone marks your weaknesses from the stories you tell them and then they launch a mission to make you vulnerable. So much so that you feel they are plugged to you like a life support machine and without them you would cease to breathe. Growing up I believed that domestic violence was just physical, I mean someone punching you crazy or throwing something at you or even forcing themselves on you. However, over the years it has become apparent to me that domestic abuse transcends this belief and involves emotional, verbal, religious, and even sexual abuse.

I used to make excuses for narcissists who made me believe that I was nothing without them. I hated myself for not reaching the bars that they set for me, not realizing that they just kept stretching them for their selfish entertainment, to watch me move like a hamster on its treadmill. I was a complete mess that my beauty, intelligence, milestones, and just self-being did not matter at all. Pain, emotional distress, self pity and negativity became my comfort.

However, so much power came in with my realization of this and now I basically speak at someone to check them (if it is something I can handle) or I speak to the relevant authorities regarding them.

Bottom line, never be intimidated by a narcissist or someone who sees you as an object of pleasure. Someone who gives you the illusion that you matter then turns your vulnerability into worthlessness. Be weary of such people and explore widely to learn how to identify their traits so that you can steer off them completely and protect your space, energy, mindset, and life!

See you next week.

Pen and Paper Point!

There is new breed of people in town called Homelesssexuals! It is no joke. Homelesssexuality is an epidemic and while we were laughing about it with my best friend, I realized that I have actually dealt with these kind of people. Not funny at all.

So you notice that there those bootycallers who blow up your phone after midnight because they know you have your own place and you are riding solo. It’s interesting because when you pick that call, the first thing they will ask you is “where you at?” Normally, I try not to be rude so I don’t pick but moving forward, I think I will flip one of these fine days when I pick the call. Like where do you expect me to be? Well maybe I am in your factory of nonesense, piling your nonesense so you can sell it to someone else. How about that?

The most annoying thing about these homelesssexuals is that they have no shame. None at all. They can be prowlers to just pop in and out of your life in intervals of 2, 3 months and they just want to come to your house and get some. That is how shallow they are by the way. They want to outsource cheap labor in your house.

They add no value to your life. They do not improve you. They barely know you and they are not even interested in doing so. They just want something they do not deserve and they expect it served generously. Some type of con artistry I must say.

First of all, decency requires you to even pretend you care and have some dignity. So you cannot afford a nice hotel room if you really must? You cannot be enticing. Secondly what is wrong with your house? Or wait do you even have your own place? Just because X is one call away and you rarely even check up on him or her does not give you the right to think that the cookie is a water dispenser. You run to it everytime you are thirsty.

Well, ain’t nobody fooling me. I can see right through it. You should also have your glasses on to duck these thirsty ass homelesssexuals! You are valuable and you have no time to waste.

See you next week.

By Beryl.